28 April 2011

A classic example of Serendipty

My room is a mess.

If you looked up the word "hovel" in the dictionary, there would be a picture of my bedroom. Washing baskets full of clean clothes lying dormant, waiting to be put away. Unmade bed. Clutter. Dust. Just plain "YUCK!"

Having such clutter in the house, and in particularly in the room which is supposed to be my little slice of peace and tranquility, is really starting to do my head in. The clutter starts to invade my mind. I feel "hemmed in". I feel trapped. And I keep putting it off. Too hard, too overwhelming, have better things to do. I have oodles of excuses that I could run off to just avoid the inevitable.

Watching Hoarders last night on TV, and yes the irony is not lost on me, I watched houses that were just filled to the brink of capacity with stuff. It did put things into perspective for me that a) my house is no where even remotely near to being that bad and b) claim your room back....NOW!!

Before Squeak and I scuttled off to bed, I inform Husband that tomorrow is "clean up my room day".

I started on it first thing this morning. The silence of me cleaning seemed to drag the time out for much longer and I needed something to distract me from the internal monologue of  "oh god I am never going to get this done" followed by sound bites of the music used in the Hoarders episodes everytime I opened up another cupbaord door (disclaimer: I am Leo and we tend to lean towards the dramatic).

A thought pops into my head, "flick on the radio". A scan through the stations from the clock radio on the bedside table and I stumble across Richard Fidlers voice.

"Oh its the Conversation Hour. He always has guests with the most interesting stories"

Soon I hear the voice of a woman. She is talking about her childhood which was filled with abuse. My ears prick up. Stories of women who have been in abusive situations always draw me in like a magnet, especially since I have been there once myself. However this abuse was of the worst kind. Her voice is warm and strong, her story is said with such matter of factness that I listen closer. Soon she is talking about how she moved from childhood into adult relationships where her husband at the time was not a particularly nice fellow who did not treat her well at all. When asked if she unconsciously attracted men who would be abusive, she just said "No I think it is a part in you where you don't think you are deserving". I understood. That point just reverberated through me.

She proceeded to tell her story on how she started having anxiety attacks and how it started to take over her life. I too suffer from attacks, and it was very interesting to see how hers manifested itself different to my own.

Finally, the name of this beautiful story teller is mentioned. She is Annie Reuss. Unfortunately, the interview was soon over but she left with some parting words of support for other suffers. Richard mentioned that she also has a blog, called Life and Dandelions. Just the most fantastic name for a blog, don't you think?

During my self imposed excuse of a "lunch break for Squeak", I went looking for her blog and the article in particular in which she talks about the start of her attacks. It is well worth a look, even if its just to giggle at the photo she attached to her post.

http://www.lifeanddandelions.com/2011/03/today-my-cranky-pants-unnerved-me.html

So I guess today I had a two pronged therapy session. I was able to get my space back to being the clean and sparse room that I want it to be; while listening to and empathising with the plight of fellow sister in angst.

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